[The comfort his presence provides is perfect--firm, yet still sincere and gentle. He even can't help but compliment her in his consoling, earning a small smile from her despite everything. It's enough to make her feel grounded despite her grief, and the way he holds her makes her believe that, at least for now, he's here for as long as she needs him to be. That he isn't going anywhere.
Of course, it had been this way with Karin after Yuri left. As it turned out, the comfort of her presence had only been temporary despite how real it was, especially in the days immediately after Yuri's departure. There's no guarantee that Jaskier will stay for any length of time, especially with how much more often Mirrorbound seem to leave this place of late. If he leaves, she's not sure there is anyone left in the city that she'd feel comfortable leaning on like this. The thought quickly undoes any improvement to her mood that Jaskier's presence has brought, and despite her efforts to push it out of her mind it lingers like a cloud over her head.
Her hold on him tightens for a moment before she releases him so that he can make tea.]
You're too kind, thank you. Tea's in the cabinet next to the stove.
[With that, she sinks into one of the kitchen chairs and wipes at her face with the heel of her hand. Her gaze falls on the Turkish coffee supplies, and she quickly gets up to start putting them away and out of sight. As she does so, she gives Jaskier something of an apologetic look.]
I'll sit in a moment. It's just... this was Karin's, and I need to put it away.
[He should understand.]
Edited (added a couple sentences for clarity) 2021-07-15 04:37 (UTC)
[Jaskier's quite sure he even senses when she thinks it. If he thought it himself, how could she not? He leans down to kiss her cheek when her grip tightens, keeping a soft smile there.
He wishes he could promise that it wouldn't happen again. But the truth is, after Karin and Lightning, he's not so sure. But damned he would be if he didn't fight against Destiny this time to ensure that wasn't the case.]
Lovely. I should have known you should have a collection.
[His tail flicks, balancing himself easily as he sorts through it, peering at names he's never heard of. Tea is tea, in his experience, and even if they're different they're all quite good. He selects a smokier-smelling one, turning with a curious raise of his brow.]
My dear, you needn't apologize for anything. If you would sit, or flit about like a sprite, or even lay on the floor for a bit, I'd be loathe to hold it against you. [At least the process of making tea is one he knows well: setting a kettle to boil, finding mugs. Things he does as easily in his own home; he's never had a problem sorting through others' things.] What is it, if I may ask?
[Being English, Alice is obligated to have several varieties of tea available at all times. Whatever Jaskier chooses will be fine--she doesn't keep what she doesn't like around, after all. And really, it's very sweet of him to be making it for her in the first place.
(The flick of his tail as he makes himself at home is incredibly endearing. Alice isn't so far gone in her grief not to notice that.)]
It's a Turkish coffee set. It belonged to Styx before Karin. She was trying to master the technique, in part to help her through the loss of Styx several months ago.
[With a sad, wistful smile, she runs her fingers over one of the cups before she places it inside a cabinet.]
I became something of a test subject. I don't actually care for coffee at all, but I drank every cup she poured me. It meant so much to her, I didn't have the heart to say no. Even after she insisted that I could.
[She packs the rest of it away, sniffling a little as she closes the cabinet.]
I don't think I'll take up the task. It's not how I grieve. I'm sure she'd understand.
[Her tone, however, is more uncertain than her words.]
Turkish? Interesting. [He doesn't know the word, but it must be a region somewhere. He imagines it must be hard to look at, then. Knowing it was Karin's. (How cruel it was, almost, that they left, leaving things behind... but not everything. And not enough.)]
I admit I'm mostly at a lost with coffee. I simply buy it brewed. [It's still a bit strong to a palette that grew up on the Continent, where even a well-brewed tea was rare.
His heart softens. Every time Alice shares a piece of herself, he understands her more. And of course she was the type to drink something she didn't even like. He could bet she would even insist it was quite good.]
I don't claim to know Karin near as well as you, but something tells me she would be rather relieved you're no longer torturing yourself for her sake. [He sets the water to brew, coming back to her side to squeeze her hand.] Should you need the reassurance, Alice, I think it's fine to save the task to your memories of her. A keepsake, in a way.
Yes, Turkish. I've never actually been to that part of the world--in my world--but they're known for the unique way they make their coffee. Among other things.
[Answering Jaskier's curiosity is easier than dwelling on the hows and whys of how she came into possession of the coffee set. It's hers now due to a doubling of loss, which is a story that's become increasingly common of late. The whole of the Mirrorbound seemed doomed to heartache lately, although it feels like she is more than most. But that's the recency of Karin's departure thinking more than anything else.
The squeeze to her hand is a welcome comfort, at any rate. She gently squeezes his in return.]
I wouldn't go as far to say as I was torturing myself. But I concede your point otherwise. I have fond memories of her in the kitchen trying it time and time again, and those matter more than whether I... [She cuts herself off, blinking back a bit of fresh stinging. When she speaks again, she picks up on an entirely new track.]
I'm afraid you're on your own when it comes to figuring out coffee. But I really appreciate sharing tea with you like this, when we have the chance to.
[He watches her carefully, picking his words even more so. Not because he does not think she can bear this grief, but only because he does not wish to make it worse. He is about to reach to wipe her face, when she changes the subject. He lets the moment go, a gentle smile on his face. His tail still drags a little as he gathers the cups near the kettle, but at least he no longer trips over it.
He has, once, tripped into a kettle. It was unfortunate. (Actually, it seems worth doing if it might distract her --
Except the mess it would leave. He decides against it.)]
As do I. [Distractions of the less dangerous variety seem much wiser.] Have I told you that my first encounter with a kettle was in this world? We don't have them at my home. Or stoves. Or tea, for that matter. Mostly it's ale. A lot of ale. Ooh, and wine. I wish I could show you Toussaint wine! It was my favorite.
[At least he's taken some lessons, especially the training he received when he worked at the Tea Room. (He longs to go back, actually.) He pours the tea for the two of them, the steam carrying that same smoky scent through the room, then offers her the glass.] We had to boil water most of the time. It could always spread plague. Or bits of corpse. Always bound to find a good old corpse near --
[He realizes this is a very terrible subject, all at once.] My apologies. I get lost in the memories sometimes.
[Alice listens to Jaskier prattle on, grateful in the moment for his inability to deal with silence. She still doesn't know much about the world he's from (and vice-versa, if she must be honest), and she's sincerely curious about it. It sounds like a rough existence, not unlike the medieval era of her own history. But he's fond of it, which is to be expected. She's quite fond of her own world, too.
Then he pivots almost seamlessly into the macabre.
Something in Alice snaps, and she finds herself laughing instead of having the much-more-sensible reaction of being horrified. Clearly she needs the release of tension, and perhaps she's seen way too many terrible sights in her life for this story to register as too horrific. It's more the way he so easily brings it up that's gotten to her. (Perhaps that's for the best.)]
Jaskier, you're awful at this.
[She accepts her mug of tea and holds it close to her face, breathing in the steam in an attempt to get it together. It takes a few moments, but the giggles subside.]
I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh at you. You're trying to help.
Maybe it's better if we focus on the wine instead of the corpses. Toussaint wine, you called it?
[His face flushes possibly the darkest red it has ever taken in Alice's company -- a bit harder to see because of the blue tint, but it is definitely there. That was not the reaction he was expecting.
But her laugh is so beautiful and genuine, that he smiles as well, the stiffness in his tail suddenly relaxing. He only barely resists rounding her up into his arms, hot tea be damned.]
I'm sorry! I'm trying! [But he laughs, too, putting a hand on her knee.] No, I would rather you laugh at me as long as you'd like. It's a sound I treasure. [Oh. Yes. Wine. He could easily talk wine for hours. And... it's been quite a bit, since he's had a chance to talk about home.
Home. Which he hasn't seen in over a year now. Four full seasons.] Toussaint is a lovely duchy tucked amidst a mountain range. They're quite known for their beautiful vineyards! And thus, the wine. Ah, I wish I could show you. I promise, they hold the bluest skies you've ever seen.
[It's usually Alice whose face is red, not Jaskier's, but he has the good grace to forgive her her laughter. And it feels good to be laughing, given how miserable her day has been. She knew reaching out to Jaskier was the right call.]
I'd much rather laugh with you, but for now I'll accept that you're not unhappy about it.
[She leans in and presses a kiss to his cheek, then sits back and sips her tea as he speaks of Toussaint. The affection he feels for the place is palpable, and she finds herself trying to imagine the blue skies and mountains ranges. It sounds a bit like northern Italy, back home. Which she's only seen a couple of times... and will not have the chance to see again.
Better not to think on that.]
It really is a shame we can't visit each other's homelands, given how close people have become here. The city I live in, London, isn't that much different than Aefenglom. But there are other places with more open skies that I think you'd love. Like Domremy, where my uncle stays when life in the big city wears too much on him. Or Zurich, where...
[So much for not dwelling on that. She sighs, then pauses to consider. Ultimately, she decides to come clean--the mood is already up and down, and she'd be lying if she didn't admit that her own mortality isn't playing a part in how she feels right now.]
I never told you why I'm not able to see Yuri or Karin again, even if I go home. Have I?
[It's certainly not the first time someone has laughed at him, so he only waves a hand with a smile at her insistence.] No. I'm far from unhappy with you, my dear.
[Oh! And he gets a kiss for his efforts. See? It was all completely worth it. And though he has, of course, done nothing about the source of her grief, he's much relieved to see that there is opportunity for a lightness. His tail flicks as it curls around his chair, the tea warm and soothing. It's a start. It's not the end, but it's a start.
The sigh leaves Jaskier tilting his head. He does enjoy learning of her world, even if all the names she gives him are unfamiliar. It must be a curious place, he thinks, with what she's told him of herself. Of this... this power, and this need in men to take it. Of course, he hasn't asked for many details on the power himself. It's simply there, if she needs it.
Which he considers quite a good thing.]
Ah. [That's what the sigh was. Had she met Karin there? Or Yuri?] I... no, you haven't. I never assumed that was the case, actually. [And now he senses a trepidation both in her and in himself. His tail goes stiff.] I admit, I'm now afraid to ask why.
[Alice notices immediately how Jaskier tenses up, and she instantly feels a bit guilty for bringing the subject up at all. However, it's out there now and there's nothing to do but press forward with it. Not telling him would be crueler at this point--he's seen enough and has an active enough imagination that he'd likely imagine something far worse than the reality of it.
With a deep breath, she begins.]
When I arrived here, Jaskier, I was mere moments from death. Yuri and Karin both confirmed that I did die, being from a later time than me. Zurich is... it's where most of my mother's family is, and it's where Yuri buried me.
[Might as well get the big bombshell out of the way first. There's no point in burying the lede.]
It was a curse that killed me. One I took on willingly, to save Yuri's soul. We had hoped to find a way to break it, but... [Her voice trails off--clearly, that didn't happen. She's quiet for several moments before she speaks up again.]
I don't regret it. I would do it again, if I had the chance. Yuri is my first, truest love, and he deserves to live and be freed from his demons. It was an awful sight, seeing him trapped within himself and waiting to die. [Her voice cracks, ever so slightly.] I couldn't let that be how it ended for him.
And I've been so, so blessed to be here and have a little bit longer to live and be happy. But in moments like this, it's hard not to think about the fact that once I leave here... it's over.
[With that, she allows her gaze to fall away from Jaskier's.]
I'm sorry. I've wanted to tell you, but... it never seemed like the right time to. It still doesn't.
[Unfortunately, the admission of his fear does not stop her. As Alice takes her breath, all of Jaskier goes deathly still. He knows this feeling well, or similar. It is the feeling of the Countess pulling him aside, telling him that they need to speak privately. It is the weight of a moment before one knows something terrible is about to happen, and there is nothing one can do to stop it. It is, in some way, similar to fighting Destiny. It is the weight of watching Geralt call for the law of surprise only moments of seeing its effect on lives.
He holds his breath, clutching the teacup a bit too tightly.
He pales, the strong blue draining from his face. If he was a smarter man, or had been keen on pulling on this fraying yarn, he may have imagining this was the case himself. He hadn't, though, and death crosses her lips without pause. He doesn't interrupt her.
It was like Geralt, arriving here with a wound that would have killed him. Inevitably. With promised agony. If he had not been healed. But there was no one to confirm his death -- even Yennefer didn't have that knowledge, and both she and Geralt were from a time beyond him. And neither had known Jaskier's fate, either.
The teacup in his grasp whines. He sets it down, quickly, before it breaks. It leaves his hand, and he uses them, now freed, to wipe his face, his eyes. Oh, ignorance is bliss.
He reaches for her hands in both of his. She doesn't need to look him in the eye.] It never would be, if I'm being honest. I... this is a lot. Even I can't think of what words would offer you any comfort. Only -- only I'm selfish, and I've delighted in these days of knowing you. And gods, Alice, of course you would be the sort to sacrifice yourself for love. How could I, how could anyone, fault you for that? In the same way, I wouldn't trade knowing you, no matter how long our days together may last.
[It's not much, yet it's all he has to offer. He's a bard. A monster now. But he cannot save a life that has already been taken. (But could she come to his world, in their final moments? More importantly: would she want to, knowing what she did for her loves?)] I only wish you hadn't been suited to a life of sacrifice. You deserve your selfishness, too.
[All things considered, this is about how she expected him to handle the news. It's something that she's had so much time to accept and prepare for, but even with that knowledge she knows this is difficult to stomach. Especially given how much he loves her.
Perhaps telling him was too cruel. It's not like he could have even known, with their being here together and returning to separate worlds when they're time is done. But it's not like she can take the words back now.]
Oh, Jaskier.
[She looks back up at him and pulls a hand free from his hold and presses it to his cheek, wiping a his eye a bit with her thumb. Her own eyes are also quite wet, and her expression is soft and loving and sad. He can't offer much, but what he does offer means more than the world.
There's no undoing the past, and God knows she'd never ask him or anyone to try and achieve the impossible. That's all the more reason to treasure the present.]
Being here with you has been one of the biggest blessings of all. You've opened up my world in so many ways, and I'm a better person for it. I wouldn't trade my time here with you any more than I'd trade my time with Karin or Yuri. I... I want to focus on that, and not the fear of how it could end.
[Alice leans in, pressing her forehead to Jaskier's, and closes her eyes. It'll be some time before she's actually able to let the specter of 'what if he leaves tomorrow' go, but hopefully putting that thought out there will help it manifest faster.]
And if we are a bit selfish while we're here, I think that's all right. You, more than anyone, has taught me the virtue in that.
[In any other time, he would be the one suggesting it. This isn't the first time one of his loves has left him, but it's never been in such a ... a horrible way. And yes, they should focus on here. And now. It's too cruel not to otherwise.
Yet perhaps now is the first time he can understand why a man like Geralt would hate Destiny so much.
When She is cruel, she is vicious.
He leans into her hand, against her temple, his next intake of breath shuddering through his teeth. Vicious, indeed. It is not only that it be someone he loves, but someone who is so true-to-heart good. Alice hardly has a bad word for the insect that buzzes too close to her ears.
He gives a small hum of a laugh, or something close to it, kissing her cheek.] Selfishness can be quite a virtue. [His hands move to her hips, keeping close against her. That she could be dead but feel so alive. Terribly lyrical. Before you go, I promise you a song. But if brings up their leaving, they may spiral once again.] I hope my tea was not so terrible that it made this morning even more tragic.
[Alice remains quiet while he works through the rest of it, keeping her eyes closed and pressing her lips together tightly so that she doesn't end up a mess all over again. There's a part of her that wants to say more, wants to reassure him, but the words would be hollow and they both know it. She's said what she feels needs to be said, and all she can do now is pray that will be enough for him to make peace with it somehow.
He kisses her cheek, and she hums softly in response. He's trying. God bless him, he's trying. That's all she can really ask of him now.
When he mentions the tea, she pulls back just enough to give him something of a confused look. It takes a few moment to recognize that he's trying to break the tension with a joke, and surely he can see the gears in her brain operate until she suddenly lights up with realization. She laughs.]
No, your tea wasn't a tragedy at all. It was perfect.
[Alice reaches over and gently brushes some hair out of his eyes.]
You're perfect.
[She may be feeling a bit overly sentimental, given everything.]
[It is a rare moment that Jaskier's smile in return could possibly look bashful, but -- look, he's only human. It's not so much her laugh, the beautiful sound it is, as much as the realization that he's turned the conversation round on him for a free compliment.
How selfish. Not that he cares much if his tea is terrible or his words are... inadequate.
His heart squeezes tight. It's not fair that those words, which were definitely about his tea abilities, not anything else, squeezes tears out of his eyes. He hiccups around a breath, reaching up and wiping them quickly with loud clearing of his throat.
He's seen so many dead. But non were his own. Not yet --]
Stop, stop. I'm blushing! If you tell anyone, I'll positively wither on the spot. [He pulls her close, giving a hug, a squeeze. He knows she saw, but they can pretend neither quite realized it.] Thank you for telling me, Alice. I mean it, that I'd rather know. I'd love to know everything about you, of course. [He lets her go, brushing through his hair where she'd touched it before. So softly, even.] You're absolutely fascinating. And perfect, I may add. In all the ways that matter.
[Alice saw, but she won't admit it. Instead, she buries her face in his shoulder when he pulls her in and lets herself laugh a little more. It all feels too nice not to, especially after this morning's discovery and conversation. They can pretend for now. That's easier.]
I promise your secret is safe with me.
[She wipes at her face once more after he releases her, cleaning up the last of the wetness on her face.]
You're going to make me blush, too, if you keep that up.
[She already is, a bit.
After a moment, she stands.]
I can share things that aren't terribly upsetting, if you'd like? We can get some fresh air, and I'll tell you about some of the adventures I've been on before arriving here. I think you'll like some of them.
[He is a bard, after all. He'll probably eat most of her stories right up. With a smile, she extends her hand.]
Ah, but that was my goal all along. And I'm afraid your skin tone matches blushing much better than my own.
[He's gotten... perhaps not used to it is the correct phrase, so much as come to terms with it. And like all things Jaskier doesn't particularly adore, he makes small quips about it -- about himself -- without really thinking about it.
He takes her hand the moment it's offered, warm, human skin fitting so wonderfully against his own. Now that he has not been fighting Aeternae instincts, he seeks out heat far more often than he used to -- which has led to a few nights where he's clung to her, or pressed his face deep against her skin.]
As I said, perfect. With perfect ideas. [His smile was teasing, his tail flicking with excitement. She did know exactly how to get to him. And he... wanted to give her a long chance to tell him all about herself. Hopefully in a way that would separate her from her grief, if only for the time the walk may take.] I would love that. From what I understand, they have been quite the adventures.
[Alice, unlike Jaskier, has few if any reservations about the Aeternae changes. She still finds him plenty handsome, and has grown to count on the physical affection that his heat-seeking behavior brings. She realizes, perhaps belatedly, how much she simply likes being touched--not necessarily in a sexual way, but just in general.
(Although... there's been a lot of that sort of touching, too.)
He gets to his feet, and she slides her arm around one of his.]
They have been. And we have all day to share them.
[She cannot think of a better way to spend the day.]
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cointosser) wrote2020-06-29 09:16 pm
no subject
Of course, it had been this way with Karin after Yuri left. As it turned out, the comfort of her presence had only been temporary despite how real it was, especially in the days immediately after Yuri's departure. There's no guarantee that Jaskier will stay for any length of time, especially with how much more often Mirrorbound seem to leave this place of late. If he leaves, she's not sure there is anyone left in the city that she'd feel comfortable leaning on like this. The thought quickly undoes any improvement to her mood that Jaskier's presence has brought, and despite her efforts to push it out of her mind it lingers like a cloud over her head.
Her hold on him tightens for a moment before she releases him so that he can make tea.]
You're too kind, thank you. Tea's in the cabinet next to the stove.
[With that, she sinks into one of the kitchen chairs and wipes at her face with the heel of her hand. Her gaze falls on the Turkish coffee supplies, and she quickly gets up to start putting them away and out of sight. As she does so, she gives Jaskier something of an apologetic look.]
I'll sit in a moment. It's just... this was Karin's, and I need to put it away.
[He should understand.]
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He wishes he could promise that it wouldn't happen again. But the truth is, after Karin and Lightning, he's not so sure. But damned he would be if he didn't fight against Destiny this time to ensure that wasn't the case.]
Lovely. I should have known you should have a collection.
[His tail flicks, balancing himself easily as he sorts through it, peering at names he's never heard of. Tea is tea, in his experience, and even if they're different they're all quite good. He selects a smokier-smelling one, turning with a curious raise of his brow.]
My dear, you needn't apologize for anything. If you would sit, or flit about like a sprite, or even lay on the floor for a bit, I'd be loathe to hold it against you. [At least the process of making tea is one he knows well: setting a kettle to boil, finding mugs. Things he does as easily in his own home; he's never had a problem sorting through others' things.] What is it, if I may ask?
no subject
(The flick of his tail as he makes himself at home is incredibly endearing. Alice isn't so far gone in her grief not to notice that.)]
It's a Turkish coffee set. It belonged to Styx before Karin. She was trying to master the technique, in part to help her through the loss of Styx several months ago.
[With a sad, wistful smile, she runs her fingers over one of the cups before she places it inside a cabinet.]
I became something of a test subject. I don't actually care for coffee at all, but I drank every cup she poured me. It meant so much to her, I didn't have the heart to say no. Even after she insisted that I could.
[She packs the rest of it away, sniffling a little as she closes the cabinet.]
I don't think I'll take up the task. It's not how I grieve. I'm sure she'd understand.
[Her tone, however, is more uncertain than her words.]
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I admit I'm mostly at a lost with coffee. I simply buy it brewed. [It's still a bit strong to a palette that grew up on the Continent, where even a well-brewed tea was rare.
His heart softens. Every time Alice shares a piece of herself, he understands her more. And of course she was the type to drink something she didn't even like. He could bet she would even insist it was quite good.]
I don't claim to know Karin near as well as you, but something tells me she would be rather relieved you're no longer torturing yourself for her sake. [He sets the water to brew, coming back to her side to squeeze her hand.] Should you need the reassurance, Alice, I think it's fine to save the task to your memories of her. A keepsake, in a way.
no subject
[Answering Jaskier's curiosity is easier than dwelling on the hows and whys of how she came into possession of the coffee set. It's hers now due to a doubling of loss, which is a story that's become increasingly common of late. The whole of the Mirrorbound seemed doomed to heartache lately, although it feels like she is more than most. But that's the recency of Karin's departure thinking more than anything else.
The squeeze to her hand is a welcome comfort, at any rate. She gently squeezes his in return.]
I wouldn't go as far to say as I was torturing myself. But I concede your point otherwise. I have fond memories of her in the kitchen trying it time and time again, and those matter more than whether I... [She cuts herself off, blinking back a bit of fresh stinging. When she speaks again, she picks up on an entirely new track.]
I'm afraid you're on your own when it comes to figuring out coffee. But I really appreciate sharing tea with you like this, when we have the chance to.
[Despite herself, she gives him a small smile.]
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He has, once, tripped into a kettle. It was unfortunate. (Actually, it seems worth doing if it might distract her --
Except the mess it would leave. He decides against it.)]
As do I. [Distractions of the less dangerous variety seem much wiser.] Have I told you that my first encounter with a kettle was in this world? We don't have them at my home. Or stoves. Or tea, for that matter. Mostly it's ale. A lot of ale. Ooh, and wine. I wish I could show you Toussaint wine! It was my favorite.
[At least he's taken some lessons, especially the training he received when he worked at the Tea Room. (He longs to go back, actually.) He pours the tea for the two of them, the steam carrying that same smoky scent through the room, then offers her the glass.] We had to boil water most of the time. It could always spread plague. Or bits of corpse. Always bound to find a good old corpse near --
[He realizes this is a very terrible subject, all at once.] My apologies. I get lost in the memories sometimes.
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Then he pivots almost seamlessly into the macabre.
Something in Alice snaps, and she finds herself laughing instead of having the much-more-sensible reaction of being horrified. Clearly she needs the release of tension, and perhaps she's seen way too many terrible sights in her life for this story to register as too horrific. It's more the way he so easily brings it up that's gotten to her. (Perhaps that's for the best.)]
Jaskier, you're awful at this.
[She accepts her mug of tea and holds it close to her face, breathing in the steam in an attempt to get it together. It takes a few moments, but the giggles subside.]
I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh at you. You're trying to help.
Maybe it's better if we focus on the wine instead of the corpses. Toussaint wine, you called it?
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But her laugh is so beautiful and genuine, that he smiles as well, the stiffness in his tail suddenly relaxing. He only barely resists rounding her up into his arms, hot tea be damned.]
I'm sorry! I'm trying! [But he laughs, too, putting a hand on her knee.] No, I would rather you laugh at me as long as you'd like. It's a sound I treasure. [Oh. Yes. Wine. He could easily talk wine for hours. And... it's been quite a bit, since he's had a chance to talk about home.
Home. Which he hasn't seen in over a year now. Four full seasons.] Toussaint is a lovely duchy tucked amidst a mountain range. They're quite known for their beautiful vineyards! And thus, the wine. Ah, I wish I could show you. I promise, they hold the bluest skies you've ever seen.
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I'd much rather laugh with you, but for now I'll accept that you're not unhappy about it.
[She leans in and presses a kiss to his cheek, then sits back and sips her tea as he speaks of Toussaint. The affection he feels for the place is palpable, and she finds herself trying to imagine the blue skies and mountains ranges. It sounds a bit like northern Italy, back home. Which she's only seen a couple of times... and will not have the chance to see again.
Better not to think on that.]
It really is a shame we can't visit each other's homelands, given how close people have become here. The city I live in, London, isn't that much different than Aefenglom. But there are other places with more open skies that I think you'd love. Like Domremy, where my uncle stays when life in the big city wears too much on him. Or Zurich, where...
[So much for not dwelling on that. She sighs, then pauses to consider. Ultimately, she decides to come clean--the mood is already up and down, and she'd be lying if she didn't admit that her own mortality isn't playing a part in how she feels right now.]
I never told you why I'm not able to see Yuri or Karin again, even if I go home. Have I?
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[Oh! And he gets a kiss for his efforts. See? It was all completely worth it. And though he has, of course, done nothing about the source of her grief, he's much relieved to see that there is opportunity for a lightness. His tail flicks as it curls around his chair, the tea warm and soothing. It's a start. It's not the end, but it's a start.
The sigh leaves Jaskier tilting his head. He does enjoy learning of her world, even if all the names she gives him are unfamiliar. It must be a curious place, he thinks, with what she's told him of herself. Of this... this power, and this need in men to take it. Of course, he hasn't asked for many details on the power himself. It's simply there, if she needs it.
Which he considers quite a good thing.]
Ah. [That's what the sigh was. Had she met Karin there? Or Yuri?] I... no, you haven't. I never assumed that was the case, actually. [And now he senses a trepidation both in her and in himself. His tail goes stiff.] I admit, I'm now afraid to ask why.
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With a deep breath, she begins.]
When I arrived here, Jaskier, I was mere moments from death. Yuri and Karin both confirmed that I did die, being from a later time than me. Zurich is... it's where most of my mother's family is, and it's where Yuri buried me.
[Might as well get the big bombshell out of the way first. There's no point in burying the lede.]
It was a curse that killed me. One I took on willingly, to save Yuri's soul. We had hoped to find a way to break it, but... [Her voice trails off--clearly, that didn't happen. She's quiet for several moments before she speaks up again.]
I don't regret it. I would do it again, if I had the chance. Yuri is my first, truest love, and he deserves to live and be freed from his demons. It was an awful sight, seeing him trapped within himself and waiting to die. [Her voice cracks, ever so slightly.] I couldn't let that be how it ended for him.
And I've been so, so blessed to be here and have a little bit longer to live and be happy. But in moments like this, it's hard not to think about the fact that once I leave here... it's over.
[With that, she allows her gaze to fall away from Jaskier's.]
I'm sorry. I've wanted to tell you, but... it never seemed like the right time to. It still doesn't.
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He holds his breath, clutching the teacup a bit too tightly.
He pales, the strong blue draining from his face. If he was a smarter man, or had been keen on pulling on this fraying yarn, he may have imagining this was the case himself. He hadn't, though, and death crosses her lips without pause. He doesn't interrupt her.
It was like Geralt, arriving here with a wound that would have killed him. Inevitably. With promised agony. If he had not been healed. But there was no one to confirm his death -- even Yennefer didn't have that knowledge, and both she and Geralt were from a time beyond him. And neither had known Jaskier's fate, either.
The teacup in his grasp whines. He sets it down, quickly, before it breaks. It leaves his hand, and he uses them, now freed, to wipe his face, his eyes. Oh, ignorance is bliss.
He reaches for her hands in both of his. She doesn't need to look him in the eye.] It never would be, if I'm being honest. I... this is a lot. Even I can't think of what words would offer you any comfort. Only -- only I'm selfish, and I've delighted in these days of knowing you. And gods, Alice, of course you would be the sort to sacrifice yourself for love. How could I, how could anyone, fault you for that? In the same way, I wouldn't trade knowing you, no matter how long our days together may last.
[It's not much, yet it's all he has to offer. He's a bard. A monster now. But he cannot save a life that has already been taken. (But could she come to his world, in their final moments? More importantly: would she want to, knowing what she did for her loves?)] I only wish you hadn't been suited to a life of sacrifice. You deserve your selfishness, too.
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Perhaps telling him was too cruel. It's not like he could have even known, with their being here together and returning to separate worlds when they're time is done. But it's not like she can take the words back now.]
Oh, Jaskier.
[She looks back up at him and pulls a hand free from his hold and presses it to his cheek, wiping a his eye a bit with her thumb. Her own eyes are also quite wet, and her expression is soft and loving and sad. He can't offer much, but what he does offer means more than the world.
There's no undoing the past, and God knows she'd never ask him or anyone to try and achieve the impossible. That's all the more reason to treasure the present.]
Being here with you has been one of the biggest blessings of all. You've opened up my world in so many ways, and I'm a better person for it. I wouldn't trade my time here with you any more than I'd trade my time with Karin or Yuri. I... I want to focus on that, and not the fear of how it could end.
[Alice leans in, pressing her forehead to Jaskier's, and closes her eyes. It'll be some time before she's actually able to let the specter of 'what if he leaves tomorrow' go, but hopefully putting that thought out there will help it manifest faster.]
And if we are a bit selfish while we're here, I think that's all right. You, more than anyone, has taught me the virtue in that.
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Yet perhaps now is the first time he can understand why a man like Geralt would hate Destiny so much.
When She is cruel, she is vicious.
He leans into her hand, against her temple, his next intake of breath shuddering through his teeth. Vicious, indeed. It is not only that it be someone he loves, but someone who is so true-to-heart good. Alice hardly has a bad word for the insect that buzzes too close to her ears.
He gives a small hum of a laugh, or something close to it, kissing her cheek.] Selfishness can be quite a virtue. [His hands move to her hips, keeping close against her. That she could be dead but feel so alive. Terribly lyrical. Before you go, I promise you a song. But if brings up their leaving, they may spiral once again.] I hope my tea was not so terrible that it made this morning even more tragic.
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He kisses her cheek, and she hums softly in response. He's trying. God bless him, he's trying. That's all she can really ask of him now.
When he mentions the tea, she pulls back just enough to give him something of a confused look. It takes a few moment to recognize that he's trying to break the tension with a joke, and surely he can see the gears in her brain operate until she suddenly lights up with realization. She laughs.]
No, your tea wasn't a tragedy at all. It was perfect.
[Alice reaches over and gently brushes some hair out of his eyes.]
You're perfect.
[She may be feeling a bit overly sentimental, given everything.]
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How selfish. Not that he cares much if his tea is terrible or his words are... inadequate.
His heart squeezes tight. It's not fair that those words, which were definitely about his tea abilities, not anything else, squeezes tears out of his eyes. He hiccups around a breath, reaching up and wiping them quickly with loud clearing of his throat.
He's seen so many dead. But non were his own. Not yet --]
Stop, stop. I'm blushing! If you tell anyone, I'll positively wither on the spot. [He pulls her close, giving a hug, a squeeze. He knows she saw, but they can pretend neither quite realized it.] Thank you for telling me, Alice. I mean it, that I'd rather know. I'd love to know everything about you, of course. [He lets her go, brushing through his hair where she'd touched it before. So softly, even.] You're absolutely fascinating. And perfect, I may add. In all the ways that matter.
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I promise your secret is safe with me.
[She wipes at her face once more after he releases her, cleaning up the last of the wetness on her face.]
You're going to make me blush, too, if you keep that up.
[She already is, a bit.
After a moment, she stands.]
I can share things that aren't terribly upsetting, if you'd like? We can get some fresh air, and I'll tell you about some of the adventures I've been on before arriving here. I think you'll like some of them.
[He is a bard, after all. He'll probably eat most of her stories right up. With a smile, she extends her hand.]
I think it will do us both some good. Shall we?
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[He's gotten... perhaps not used to it is the correct phrase, so much as come to terms with it. And like all things Jaskier doesn't particularly adore, he makes small quips about it -- about himself -- without really thinking about it.
He takes her hand the moment it's offered, warm, human skin fitting so wonderfully against his own. Now that he has not been fighting Aeternae instincts, he seeks out heat far more often than he used to -- which has led to a few nights where he's clung to her, or pressed his face deep against her skin.]
As I said, perfect. With perfect ideas. [His smile was teasing, his tail flicking with excitement. She did know exactly how to get to him. And he... wanted to give her a long chance to tell him all about herself. Hopefully in a way that would separate her from her grief, if only for the time the walk may take.] I would love that. From what I understand, they have been quite the adventures.
wrapping here!
[Alice, unlike Jaskier, has few if any reservations about the Aeternae changes. She still finds him plenty handsome, and has grown to count on the physical affection that his heat-seeking behavior brings. She realizes, perhaps belatedly, how much she simply likes being touched--not necessarily in a sexual way, but just in general.
(Although... there's been a lot of that sort of touching, too.)
He gets to his feet, and she slides her arm around one of his.]
They have been. And we have all day to share them.
[She cannot think of a better way to spend the day.]