cointosser | AEF - IC INBOX.

[Unfortunately, the admission of his fear does not stop her. As Alice takes her breath, all of Jaskier goes deathly still. He knows this feeling well, or similar. It is the feeling of the Countess pulling him aside, telling him that they need to speak privately. It is the weight of a moment before one knows something terrible is about to happen, and there is nothing one can do to stop it. It is, in some way, similar to fighting Destiny. It is the weight of watching Geralt call for the law of surprise only moments of seeing its effect on lives.

He holds his breath, clutching the teacup a bit too tightly.

He pales, the strong blue draining from his face. If he was a smarter man, or had been keen on pulling on this fraying yarn, he may have imagining this was the case himself. He hadn't, though, and death crosses her lips without pause. He doesn't interrupt her.

It was like Geralt, arriving here with a wound that would have killed him. Inevitably. With promised agony. If he had not been healed. But there was no one to confirm his death -- even Yennefer didn't have that knowledge, and both she and Geralt were from a time beyond him. And neither had known Jaskier's fate, either.

The teacup in his grasp whines. He sets it down, quickly, before it breaks. It leaves his hand, and he uses them, now freed, to wipe his face, his eyes. Oh, ignorance is bliss.

He reaches for her hands in both of his. She doesn't need to look him in the eye.] It never would be, if I'm being honest. I... this is a lot. Even I can't think of what words would offer you any comfort. Only -- only I'm selfish, and I've delighted in these days of knowing you. And gods, Alice, of course you would be the sort to sacrifice yourself for love. How could I, how could anyone, fault you for that? In the same way, I wouldn't trade knowing you, no matter how long our days together may last.

[It's not much, yet it's all he has to offer. He's a bard. A monster now. But he cannot save a life that has already been taken. (But could she come to his world, in their final moments? More importantly: would she want to, knowing what she did for her loves?)] I only wish you hadn't been suited to a life of sacrifice. You deserve your selfishness, too.

[All things considered, this is about how she expected him to handle the news. It's something that she's had so much time to accept and prepare for, but even with that knowledge she knows this is difficult to stomach. Especially given how much he loves her.

Perhaps telling him was too cruel. It's not like he could have even known, with their being here together and returning to separate worlds when they're time is done. But it's not like she can take the words back now.]

Oh, Jaskier.

[She looks back up at him and pulls a hand free from his hold and presses it to his cheek, wiping a his eye a bit with her thumb. Her own eyes are also quite wet, and her expression is soft and loving and sad. He can't offer much, but what he does offer means more than the world.

There's no undoing the past, and God knows she'd never ask him or anyone to try and achieve the impossible. That's all the more reason to treasure the present.]

Being here with you has been one of the biggest blessings of all. You've opened up my world in so many ways, and I'm a better person for it. I wouldn't trade my time here with you any more than I'd trade my time with Karin or Yuri. I... I want to focus on that, and not the fear of how it could end.

[Alice leans in, pressing her forehead to Jaskier's, and closes her eyes. It'll be some time before she's actually able to let the specter of 'what if he leaves tomorrow' go, but hopefully putting that thought out there will help it manifest faster.]

And if we are a bit selfish while we're here, I think that's all right. You, more than anyone, has taught me the virtue in that.

[In any other time, he would be the one suggesting it. This isn't the first time one of his loves has left him, but it's never been in such a ... a horrible way. And yes, they should focus on here. And now. It's too cruel not to otherwise.

Yet perhaps now is the first time he can understand why a man like Geralt would hate Destiny so much.

When She is cruel, she is vicious.

He leans into her hand, against her temple, his next intake of breath shuddering through his teeth. Vicious, indeed. It is not only that it be someone he loves, but someone who is so true-to-heart good. Alice hardly has a bad word for the insect that buzzes too close to her ears.

He gives a small hum of a laugh, or something close to it, kissing her cheek.] Selfishness can be quite a virtue. [His hands move to her hips, keeping close against her. That she could be dead but feel so alive. Terribly lyrical. Before you go, I promise you a song. But if brings up their leaving, they may spiral once again.] I hope my tea was not so terrible that it made this morning even more tragic.

[Alice remains quiet while he works through the rest of it, keeping her eyes closed and pressing her lips together tightly so that she doesn't end up a mess all over again. There's a part of her that wants to say more, wants to reassure him, but the words would be hollow and they both know it. She's said what she feels needs to be said, and all she can do now is pray that will be enough for him to make peace with it somehow.

He kisses her cheek, and she hums softly in response. He's trying. God bless him, he's trying. That's all she can really ask of him now.

When he mentions the tea, she pulls back just enough to give him something of a confused look. It takes a few moment to recognize that he's trying to break the tension with a joke, and surely he can see the gears in her brain operate until she suddenly lights up with realization. She laughs.]

No, your tea wasn't a tragedy at all. It was perfect.

[Alice reaches over and gently brushes some hair out of his eyes.]

You're perfect.

[She may be feeling a bit overly sentimental, given everything.]

[It is a rare moment that Jaskier's smile in return could possibly look bashful, but -- look, he's only human. It's not so much her laugh, the beautiful sound it is, as much as the realization that he's turned the conversation round on him for a free compliment.

How selfish. Not that he cares much if his tea is terrible or his words are... inadequate.

His heart squeezes tight. It's not fair that those words, which were definitely about his tea abilities, not anything else, squeezes tears out of his eyes. He hiccups around a breath, reaching up and wiping them quickly with loud clearing of his throat.

He's seen so many dead. But non were his own. Not yet --]

Stop, stop. I'm blushing! If you tell anyone, I'll positively wither on the spot. [He pulls her close, giving a hug, a squeeze. He knows she saw, but they can pretend neither quite realized it.] Thank you for telling me, Alice. I mean it, that I'd rather know. I'd love to know everything about you, of course. [He lets her go, brushing through his hair where she'd touched it before. So softly, even.] You're absolutely fascinating. And perfect, I may add. In all the ways that matter.

[Alice saw, but she won't admit it. Instead, she buries her face in his shoulder when he pulls her in and lets herself laugh a little more. It all feels too nice not to, especially after this morning's discovery and conversation. They can pretend for now. That's easier.]

I promise your secret is safe with me.

[She wipes at her face once more after he releases her, cleaning up the last of the wetness on her face.]

You're going to make me blush, too, if you keep that up.

[She already is, a bit.

After a moment, she stands.]

I can share things that aren't terribly upsetting, if you'd like? We can get some fresh air, and I'll tell you about some of the adventures I've been on before arriving here. I think you'll like some of them.

[He is a bard, after all. He'll probably eat most of her stories right up. With a smile, she extends her hand.]

I think it will do us both some good. Shall we?

Ah, but that was my goal all along. And I'm afraid your skin tone matches blushing much better than my own.

[He's gotten... perhaps not used to it is the correct phrase, so much as come to terms with it. And like all things Jaskier doesn't particularly adore, he makes small quips about it -- about himself -- without really thinking about it.

He takes her hand the moment it's offered, warm, human skin fitting so wonderfully against his own. Now that he has not been fighting Aeternae instincts, he seeks out heat far more often than he used to -- which has led to a few nights where he's clung to her, or pressed his face deep against her skin.]

As I said, perfect. With perfect ideas. [His smile was teasing, his tail flicking with excitement. She did know exactly how to get to him. And he... wanted to give her a long chance to tell him all about herself. Hopefully in a way that would separate her from her grief, if only for the time the walk may take.] I would love that. From what I understand, they have been quite the adventures.

I believe it suits yours just fine.

[Alice, unlike Jaskier, has few if any reservations about the Aeternae changes. She still finds him plenty handsome, and has grown to count on the physical affection that his heat-seeking behavior brings. She realizes, perhaps belatedly, how much she simply likes being touched--not necessarily in a sexual way, but just in general.

(Although... there's been a lot of that sort of touching, too.)

He gets to his feet, and she slides her arm around one of his.]

They have been. And we have all day to share them.

[She cannot think of a better way to spend the day.]

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wrapping here!